Imagine you woke up tomorrow and everybody was growing little cactuses. The world had realised that growing cactuses was a very, very important pursuit. You decide to grow a little cactus too and you want to get it right so, like a good citizen, you read the latest advice.
The government says that the best way to nurture your tiny cactus is to keep it in your earhole. People used to grow them this way but it fell out of fashion. However, the research is all there and it’s clear this is best for the cactus and best for you. It sounds a bit odd if it’s new to you, but you see more and more people everywhere, nurturing their tiny spiky succulents in their lugholes. You worry it might be sore trying to put a jaggy plant in there. You know people who tried and gave up because it hurt. You also know people who found it a cakewalk from day one. You decide to give it a go.
It’s very important to get the technique right. If you don’t get the position just right, get the cactus at the right angle, you can end up with a very sore ear. Worse, your cactus might not get the best out of your ear and may not grow fast enough. People who have been ear-rearing cactuses for a long time know that most problems can be solved with patience and the help of an experienced eye, but a lot of the population at large have forgotten how to grow them this way.
The government provides advisers but, while they’ve all been to compulsory training sessions, most don’t have much experience of ear-growing. The government used to say it was best to grow cactuses in special incubators and provided these for free. Most of your parents’ generation grew their cactuses that way, and most of the advisers too. You can still buy the incubators but they are expensive and the government advice is strong and clear: ear is best.
Growing in an incubator is pretty straightforward and the cactuses tend to grow in a uniform way, while ear-reared plants grow at more varied rates, but healthily nonetheless. Despite this the old standard of 2mm growth per day is expected and so a government adviser will visit you in the first few weeks of life to make sure your cactus is growing at the correct rate; if it’s not, you will be advised to break all of the advice you’ve been given so far and buy an incubator.
If this happens you can expect the most awful crisis of confidence as you are faced with a Hobson’s choice: give up on what you were told so unequivocally was right and you believed was best, or carry on but with the feeling that you have been caught starving your cactus and the Horticultural Services are waiting around the corner to take it away at any minute. To make matters even trickier, there's a good chance you will now start to hear well-meaning voices from every direction saying, “Just put it in the incubator; mine turned out alright.”
If you’re very lucky you might get access to a real cactus ear-growing expert or have people in your life who know how to do it, people who can reassure you, support your choice and help you work through the rough patch. But there is a good chance you won’t and you don’t because they are few and far between.
Growing cactuses in your earhole is nonsense, but this strange tale is for many the sad reality of breastfeeding in the UK today. Lots and lots of people want to do it, lots and lots of people try to do it, and lots and lots of people are let down by the crazy system that’s in place in the offically pro-breastfeeding NHS.
There is some excellent support available but the provision is sketchy and it seems to be a matter of luck whether there is specialist support in your area and whether you somehow find out about it. Some professionals have obviously had training and try their best but don’t really have enough experience and miss subtle problems. Some are obviously toeing the party line but desperate to push formula feeding at the first sign of trouble. Some are wonderful and experienced and calm and patient and brilliantly informed, but their hands are tied by arbitrary numbers which require them to instigate certain courses of action. The system repeatedly undermines itself in promoting and supporting breastfeeding.
One crazy example stands out from my experience. My son and I struggled to get going with feeding at the start for various reasons mostly to do with the sort of birth he had and in the first week I was recommended to supplement with formula milk. A tenet of breastfeeding is that baby takes and gets exactly the amount he/she needs and there is no way to reliably measure either the volume or composition. You just have to trust the booby (like the rest of the mammal kingdom). Tiny brand new babies drink tiny amounts but doctors have a formula for calculating by weight the exact amount of formula milk an infant would require. In the midwife led unit where I gave birth, in order to stay ‘within the rules’ as midwife informed me apologetically, once I had consented to formula top-ups, the midwives and I were forced to spend hours trying to cup feed the entire regulation amount of formula milk to an exhausted tiny baby who had already had a breast feed. Most went down the sink and most of the rest was promptly regurgitated. You can’t measure the breastmilk mind, so you have to assume nothing went in.
The purpose of this article is not to convince anyone that breast is best. However, having breastfed my own little non-starter through myriad problems and past the age of 2, I do have a bit of advice for mums who do want to give it a go, and a request for the people around them.
Mums, if you want to breastfeed, you almost certainly can. Most problems can be tackled by ensuring a good latch and position, and doggedly feeding your baby on demand, but you may well need a bit of support. Dig for it. If the first person you see is happy things are fine but you’re not, look for someone else. I had some excellent support from professionals, but I had to pick through some rubbish advice too. You can phone the National Breastfeeding Helpline on 0300 1000 212 to find out what’s available.
Professionals, please say, “I’m not sure” when you’re not and pass on to someone with more experience. When you have to give certain advice because of protocol, please explain that so mum can make an informed choice.
Family and friends of mums who are struggling with breastfeeding, instead of jumping straight in with the old chestnut, “You were bottle fed and you turned out alright!”, please start with the question, “What do you want to do?”. Thinking that your partner or mum thinks you’re starving your baby is even worse than thinking it of the health visitor. Maybe even just start with, “What’s not right? How can I help?” You can ring that helpline too. Mum almost certainly has plenty of milk for her baby, but there’s a good chance her confidence and energy reserves are low: fill that gap instead.
Kate O’Hara
@1meanhousewife
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